I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
