i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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