is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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