Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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