i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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