On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
