did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
