but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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