guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He better not be in your backpack
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
