i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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