....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
