i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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