do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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