Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
