By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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