$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
