don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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