my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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