hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.