I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.