She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire