I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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