1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
