The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
