Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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