they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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