Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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