He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
