i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
