I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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