am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You left your phone here
Wait...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
