I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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