I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
