Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
