You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
