I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
