in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
