My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
