I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
