i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
