Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
