How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
