how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
