I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
