im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
