dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
