There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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