I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
