I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
