In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
