its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
