I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
