you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
