idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
