90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
