When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
