Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
operation have a gay friend backfired
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
