I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
