Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
