How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
