Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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