Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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