I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
