I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
