Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
